Mila Fairfax

Articulating Identity

I coach people through

reconstruction of their identity

after a “lifequake.”

As a public relations counselor of over 30 years, half of that in private practice, I use traditional public relations approaches — as well as a few unorthodox ones — with narrative coaching to articulate identity.

I work with individuals who are coming through a significant reinvention of their personal narrative and reputation.  

Sometimes an abrupt incident causes big changes: sometimes we just realize we’ve outgrown our old sense of identity. Either way, it becomes apparent that there is just no way back to how things were before.

Like a supportive guide, I apply my experience to assist individuals as they navigate through “lifequakes” to rebuild anew.

  • We sort through the rubble of mixed feelings, contradictory thoughts, and old beliefs.

  • We examine what has been outgrown and what remains steadfast.

  • We reground in the elements that are still true and honor what is ripe to let go through attrition.

  • We root out unchallenged assumptions, false contingencies, and pre-existing “shared agreements,” even when they were never truly shared, nor agreed.

  • We work through renegotiation of new conditions of our shared agreements with ourselves and with others. We determine the boundaries, articulate those new boundaries, and uphold them in actions.

  • Eventually, we reestablish fresh Missions toward a Vision, on Purpose.

Mila Fairfax

  • Obsessed with identity — personal identity; identity construction; identity crises; outgrowing old identities; evolving into new identities; all of it

  • 30+ years public relations experience across corporate, start-up, non-profit, government, and private practice environments

  • Consistently covered with dog hair

  • Accumulating joy through the art of mundane choices

I used to wear corporate combat boots on public relations teams, cleaning up the story around mergers and misbehavior. Then I strapped on real boots to help with media relations during disaster relief efforts for several years. When the time came to hang up my boots, I realized I had become pretty good at fashioning messy raw materials into cohesive narratives. So, that’s what I do now —

I use public relations and coaching techniques to help people craft their own story and regenerate their reputation more effectively.

A plot, a theme, a leading protagonist in a suitable setting for a hero’s journey. A little personal brand development, some strategic positioning and key messages, maybe a theme song. For the ambitious: personal public relations, some media training practice to hone voice. Maybe even a little costume and set design — boots entirely optional.

“Power made me a coat. 

For a long time I kept it in the back of my closet.  I didn’t like to wear it much but I took good care of it. 

When I first started wearing it again, it smelled like mothballs.  As I wore it more, it started fitting better, and stopped smelling like mothballs.  I was afraid if I wore the coat too much someone would want to take it or else I would accidentally leave it in the dojo dressing room.  But it has my name on the label now, and it doesn’t really fit anyone else. 

When people ask me where I found such a becoming garment, I tell them about the tailor who knows how to make coats that you grow into. 

First, you have to find the courage to approach her and ask her to make your coat. 

Then you must find the patience inside yourself to wear the coat until it fits.”